To Do List

The time line on most of these, I will give 2 years although travel is continuous and marriage has no timeline as I refuse to settle and having a baby follows marriage.

ATTENTION MOM - Don't read this one!

• Go on a Caged Shark Dive. -I would love to see a Great White Shark, I think sharks are beautiful animals and the Great White is the ultimate! I am fascinated by nature and discovery programs and one of my favorite programs is Shark Week. My first dive I ever did was a shark dive with black and white tip sharks in Maui.
-Mom I told you not to read it!

• Scuba Diving Certification. -I love diving, its a fascinating world underwater. I want to get more involved with diving and more diving education. This is dependant on finances,..

• Go Skydiving. -I am terrified of heights Its one of the only fears I have that puts my tummy in knots and makes my feet feel funny. But I won't let that stop me experience this,.. although it might make me pause for a minute or two.

• Travel the World. -I want to see so many places and experience so much more out of life. Some major areas I want to visit is: Japan, Thailand, China, Greece, Italy, Spain, France, Chech Republic, Russia, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium, Germany, Denmark, England, Scotland, Ireland, Egypt, South Africa, The Jungles, Sahara Desert, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Peru, Venezuela, Guatemala, Mexico, Puerto Rico, All over the Caribbean, Tonga, Philippians, Canada and I am sure I missed so may more locations,... all over really!

• Career. -I want a career that by the end of the day I feel accomplished and proud of my hard work. This is something that will require more thought. I want to do something that I would be happy doing, will give me financial freedom and will give me freedom to live the type of life I want.

• Get and Maintain Organization. –You would never know it by seeing my home some days but I love cleanliness and organization and I get frustrated and so embarrassed if my home is not clean. I however am not the best homemaker and tend to ignore messes. My goal is to get my house clean and keep it clean and no longer ignore things out of place. I am happy to report my kitchen is currently spotless.

• Finish My Degree. -This won't be difficult I am only a class away,.. Its a computer class I could easily test out, I just need to do it!

• Get Married. -This will be a challenge. Maybe my biggest challenge as I am scared of being in a relationship,.. In the past I have attracted guys that were emotionally, mentally and physically bad for me. I have changed my standards and hopefully who I attract but I find myself in a state of panic and freaking out followed by a tendency to sabotage any relationship,... if I start to see a possible future with the man. One step at a time I guess,.. I just need to calm down find a Man that I can call my best friend and take it slow. Oh and he better not get in the way of my other to do things otherwise no deal.

• Have 1-2 Kids. -I am hoping for a boy and girl but I would be happy with whatever god gives me. I already know I am an amazing mom and how adventurous fun kids are. They really renew magic to ordinary life. I am sure I will be the type of mom that has 12 random kids running around the house. However I think balance is essential and parents still need alone time, time with each other, and time with friends and I am still going to travel, which means my kids will get a lot of quality time with family.

Its Clearing

I feel so much better today!!

I woke up this morning and just felt different. Its like the feeling you get after it rains, clean and refreshed.

Tonight, I am going to visit my new found friend Cory. He knows some body work so I am curious if he is able to find out what my two week bout of bad mood, sadness, nervousness, self destructive attitude was all about and help prevent it from coming back.

I feel like myself again, I can breathe, I am happy and once again I am in control. I guess you can't appreciate this feeling until you don't have it for a while... trust me, normal feels great!

Its Time.

I can't seem to come up with any more poor excuses. This Sunday I am going to the bishop to set up an appointment for repentance of my wicked bad girl ways. (licking lips and looking devilish)

Today was rough, I got to work in full make up and by the end of the day I had managed to cry it all off. How embarrassing, to cry at work, stupid girl!!! I think only two girls actually noticed though and I played counselor for one of them,.. so not too bad. However, I felt so embarrassed anytime I needed to walk away from my desk, as I am sure my face looked as though I had been stung by a bee.

I was overcome with sadness and grief today. One reason is I really miss Mikey! I was his mom for 2 1/2 years and well I made the choice that I was no longer was going to put up with his stupid dad. Because I am not Mikey's biological mommy, I don't get to see him any more. It's hard, I love him so much!! He brought so much joy to my life and taught me so much.

As I was waiting for Yoga class to begin today, I was reading the scriptures,.. and your letter Brittainy, Thank you so much!! I am so grateful that god chose me to be the answer to your prays, because you are most certainly the answer to mine. I am happy you went through and survived, exactly what I am going through now! Thank you for all of your love and support!! I love you Brittainy, my sister always!!

The scriptures I read were Alma 34:17-41.

After Yoga, I received a blessing, from Tony (brother-in-law). Thank you so much Tony, It was amazing how much spirit you could feel and you said exactly what I needed to hear!! Love you!

hmm, well that's all tonight I am drained and I still need a shower,. Yoga was intense as always.

sTru CrAzY iNtERnal Ggle

GrRRRR!!! Chaotic, Insecure and Wild! AHHHH!!

What is happening to me?

This last week something has changed, I have Not been myself lately, I am not happy. I feel like I am going crazy and I have been thinking, dwelling,.. too much!! I have this idea of perfection, which I will never be.

Never did figure love out.

Never did figure love out.

How much is physical, how much in the mind?

How much accident and how much fate?

Why do perfect matches crumble and impossible couples thrive?

I don't understand the answers.

Love simply is where it is.

Attention Brittainy

THIS UPDATE IS FOR YOU BABY!! I LOVE YOU!!