I am the Meanest Lead Ever,.. I should be Fired!

My supervisor Dave was called to military duty for two weeks. He is off basking in the sun in South Carolina. While he was out I took it upon myself to,.. Uhum tease him a bit. I boxed up all of his stuff, Decorated his desk to "Welcome Our New Supervisor Luke!!" (Luke is a guy on my team) Oh and I had Dave's badge access shut off!! (snicker)

I am soooo mean,.. don't worry though pay back is a bitch! I am sure he will come up with something equally as good,.. or he will just drown me when we go to Lake Powell next month.

Notice the pictures on the desk,.. They are of Luke and his wife!! :)

Ahh Crap I Have a Regret!

I recently meet a man that I dare say is one of the most charismatic playful gent I have had the pleasure of meeting.

I find he still enters my mind from time to time. I want to apologies, I was such a jerk. I dated his friend, which he is cute but not nearly had the same chemistry and connection. I was jealous of the other girls this dreamy man was also dating,.. even though I didn’t know who they were. At the same time the idea of me actually committing to this guy didn’t feel right, I would have committed just to delete the competition and not for the right reasons, I was no where near ready. Anyway, I was my worst and my best with this guy and I totally embarrassed myself.

I Looked in the Mirror and the Reflection is Perfect!

I feel so good!! I feel I am back to my usual happy free spirited self!

Life is fun and I am making the most of it!

Friday I helped a friend that was filming a movie,.. its a story about a girl that releases a red balloon into the world a boy finds it and the two find one another,.. I was the girl! But the lighting was poor so none of the footage will be used.
I had the urge to go snowshoeing up to Diamond Hot springs,.. my favorite hike, but the road was closed half way up. Instead I and Matt headed to a pool that is filled by a natural hot spring.

Saturday I and Nick went to Temple square to watch the movie about Joseph Smith. It was a great movie and we had a lot of fun!

Monday I went and saw YesMan with Logan, after Logan took me to Westminster where we went to a studio and danced the night away.

Tuesday I was not feeling so well, so Patrick came over and we watched a movie.

Tonight Patrick and I are going to the Jazz game,.. I am so excited!

To Do List

The time line on most of these, I will give 2 years although travel is continuous and marriage has no timeline as I refuse to settle and having a baby follows marriage.

ATTENTION MOM - Don't read this one!

• Go on a Caged Shark Dive. -I would love to see a Great White Shark, I think sharks are beautiful animals and the Great White is the ultimate! I am fascinated by nature and discovery programs and one of my favorite programs is Shark Week. My first dive I ever did was a shark dive with black and white tip sharks in Maui.
-Mom I told you not to read it!

• Scuba Diving Certification. -I love diving, its a fascinating world underwater. I want to get more involved with diving and more diving education. This is dependant on finances,..

• Go Skydiving. -I am terrified of heights Its one of the only fears I have that puts my tummy in knots and makes my feet feel funny. But I won't let that stop me experience this,.. although it might make me pause for a minute or two.

• Travel the World. -I want to see so many places and experience so much more out of life. Some major areas I want to visit is: Japan, Thailand, China, Greece, Italy, Spain, France, Chech Republic, Russia, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium, Germany, Denmark, England, Scotland, Ireland, Egypt, South Africa, The Jungles, Sahara Desert, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Peru, Venezuela, Guatemala, Mexico, Puerto Rico, All over the Caribbean, Tonga, Philippians, Canada and I am sure I missed so may more locations,... all over really!

• Career. -I want a career that by the end of the day I feel accomplished and proud of my hard work. This is something that will require more thought. I want to do something that I would be happy doing, will give me financial freedom and will give me freedom to live the type of life I want.

• Get and Maintain Organization. –You would never know it by seeing my home some days but I love cleanliness and organization and I get frustrated and so embarrassed if my home is not clean. I however am not the best homemaker and tend to ignore messes. My goal is to get my house clean and keep it clean and no longer ignore things out of place. I am happy to report my kitchen is currently spotless.

• Finish My Degree. -This won't be difficult I am only a class away,.. Its a computer class I could easily test out, I just need to do it!

• Get Married. -This will be a challenge. Maybe my biggest challenge as I am scared of being in a relationship,.. In the past I have attracted guys that were emotionally, mentally and physically bad for me. I have changed my standards and hopefully who I attract but I find myself in a state of panic and freaking out followed by a tendency to sabotage any relationship,... if I start to see a possible future with the man. One step at a time I guess,.. I just need to calm down find a Man that I can call my best friend and take it slow. Oh and he better not get in the way of my other to do things otherwise no deal.

• Have 1-2 Kids. -I am hoping for a boy and girl but I would be happy with whatever god gives me. I already know I am an amazing mom and how adventurous fun kids are. They really renew magic to ordinary life. I am sure I will be the type of mom that has 12 random kids running around the house. However I think balance is essential and parents still need alone time, time with each other, and time with friends and I am still going to travel, which means my kids will get a lot of quality time with family.

Its Clearing

I feel so much better today!!

I woke up this morning and just felt different. Its like the feeling you get after it rains, clean and refreshed.

Tonight, I am going to visit my new found friend Cory. He knows some body work so I am curious if he is able to find out what my two week bout of bad mood, sadness, nervousness, self destructive attitude was all about and help prevent it from coming back.

I feel like myself again, I can breathe, I am happy and once again I am in control. I guess you can't appreciate this feeling until you don't have it for a while... trust me, normal feels great!

Its Time.

I can't seem to come up with any more poor excuses. This Sunday I am going to the bishop to set up an appointment for repentance of my wicked bad girl ways. (licking lips and looking devilish)

Today was rough, I got to work in full make up and by the end of the day I had managed to cry it all off. How embarrassing, to cry at work, stupid girl!!! I think only two girls actually noticed though and I played counselor for one of them,.. so not too bad. However, I felt so embarrassed anytime I needed to walk away from my desk, as I am sure my face looked as though I had been stung by a bee.

I was overcome with sadness and grief today. One reason is I really miss Mikey! I was his mom for 2 1/2 years and well I made the choice that I was no longer was going to put up with his stupid dad. Because I am not Mikey's biological mommy, I don't get to see him any more. It's hard, I love him so much!! He brought so much joy to my life and taught me so much.

As I was waiting for Yoga class to begin today, I was reading the scriptures,.. and your letter Brittainy, Thank you so much!! I am so grateful that god chose me to be the answer to your prays, because you are most certainly the answer to mine. I am happy you went through and survived, exactly what I am going through now! Thank you for all of your love and support!! I love you Brittainy, my sister always!!

The scriptures I read were Alma 34:17-41.

After Yoga, I received a blessing, from Tony (brother-in-law). Thank you so much Tony, It was amazing how much spirit you could feel and you said exactly what I needed to hear!! Love you!

hmm, well that's all tonight I am drained and I still need a shower,. Yoga was intense as always.

sTru CrAzY iNtERnal Ggle

GrRRRR!!! Chaotic, Insecure and Wild! AHHHH!!

What is happening to me?

This last week something has changed, I have Not been myself lately, I am not happy. I feel like I am going crazy and I have been thinking, dwelling,.. too much!! I have this idea of perfection, which I will never be.